I rock!!There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed!!

Though I was feeling better after my stint with the Microsoft Windows consultant, there was still something bothering me.

So, I decided to make another visit to the consultant. After checking my Dell laptop, he asked me whether the symptoms are the same or has it changed.

Interestingly it had changed. There were no more shouting or banging instead it was more of frustration and irritation with constant mouse clicks.

After analysis, the consultant said that this is a bizarre state where the person becomes so addicted to his emails that he starts behaving like a slave of his own mailbox. If the person does not receive a mail or is not able to retrieve a mail in a short span of time, he starts behaving abnormally.

He said though there is no technical term for this freakish behavior, we call it “Mailophobia”.

May be the concern was showing on my face, he promptly added that this is not a serious condition and can be fixed with some patience and discipline.

The consultant told me that the first step would be to start managing my Microsoft Outlook mailbox. As part of that, I will have to create folders, set rules and alerts and start archiving old emails.

He further added the most challenging task would be to retrieve old emails and the best tool for this would be Xobni.

Xobni ( Inbox spelled backwards) is a software which when installed works as an outlook plug-in. In addition to basic search, Xobni also gives information about past conversations, shared attachments, contact details, etc.

It also has an email analytic function that gives the statistics, plot graphs and shows the rankings on the basis of sent and received mails.

Post the installation, Xobni starts indexing the mailbox. It runs for sometime for the first time. Once the indexing is complete, the search goes through in a flash.

And, I could already feel it. It is fast and searches as I type. It even digs deep and gets some old emails without much fuss.

I am really excited to have Xobni on my mailbox……I would say, the Xobni effect is catching on!!

Recently, I have been going through a strange illness. An illness which is causing me to shout out loud, talk to myself, frequently bang the office table, etc, etc.

I tried hard to find the reason for this abnormal behavior without much result. When my exploration with general practitioners google.com and ask.com did not yield much result, I decided to consult a specialist.

After initial investigations, the specialist revealed that the problem was not with me but with my laptop and referred me to a Microsoft Windows consultant.

The consultant said that all the symptoms suggested that my stress level was going up due to the performance (or rather non performance) of my laptop and suggested IOSD and CC tests for my laptop.

Seeing the blank expression on my face, he explained that these are medicines a.k.a. softwares used to fix issues that affect computers over a period of time.

IOSD is the abbreviation for IObit Smart Defrag. Smart Defrag runs a complete diagnosis of the hard disk and provides the disk performance status. It then defrags the hard disk and helps boost performance.

Ccleaner removes unused files from the system - allowing Windows to run faster freeing up valuable hard disk space. It is fast and contains no Spyware or Adware!

It sounded much better for me now.

Both the softwares were installed in no time. Smart Defrag showed that my hard disk was 33% fragmented . Initial run brought it down to 22%.

The consultant suggested 2-3 more runs should help me bring the fragmentation down to single digit.

Analysis report for Ccleaner showed 100+ registry issues and around 300 MB of unwanted files. Ccleaner fixed all the issues and also took a backup of the registry before the run.

Wow…feels so good to have a laptop in sync with me ……..but still something is bugging me …is that my Microsoft Office Mailbox??????????????

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. As usual I was about to start my regular Saturday@2 “shavasana” regimen.

I thought to myself, “Is there any other better way to spend my time?”

The awesome “Nalapaka” breakfast combined with the heavy lunch left me with no other option but to say NO!

I was getting into my sleeping gear and all of a sudden from the corner of my eye; I felt like seeing two giant squid eyes staring at me. I turned back in a flash to realize that they were my own oncall mobile phones (small Nokia 6610 and the bigger RIM blackberry) sitting on the table top waiting anxiously to start ringing.

I was shocked when the small black mobile asked me, “How dare you sleep when you are oncall?”

I could not believe it. Am I still drunk from yesterday or was there something wrong with the food that I had?

“Don’t worry,” the big black mobile chuckled “I know you are confused. Just as you humans speak, we also speak among ourselves. Only difference is that now you are able to here us.”

“What?” I stuttered “Now I am. What does that mean?”

Biggie explained, “Every time you take us near your ears, we send out signals to your brain”.

“You mean the much hyped electromagnetic radiations from the mobile phones?” I asked in curiosity.

“That is what you mere mortals call it. For us these are evolutionary signals, which help us capture the human brain and convert them into one of us.” added the biggie.

“What?” I asked moving a bit backwards.

“Yes.” said the biggie animatedly. “Over a period of time, the signals create a precinct in your brain and you start losing control of yourself. In other words, you start thinking like us.”

The little one added, “Now that you have started interacting with us, it is just a matter of time before you become a part of our community”

I blurted “Your community. What do you mean?”

The biggie said in a commanding tone, “You will stop speaking like humans. From now on, you will only be ringing.”

I could control no more and started laughing. I said, “You kidding me. Do you think…ring I am…ring…going…ring…to…ring ring…believe….ring ring ring ring………..ring?

I thought, “Oh it has happened. I cannot speak … I can only ring.”

I shouted out loud. Just then my friend patted on my shoulder, “What is wrong with you? Why are you shouting in your sleep?”

I got up and asked very slowly, “Hey, can you hear me? “Yes, you @*#%” was the reply and I cried out loud, “I will be speaking, I won’t be ringing” to my friend’s surprise.

He could not understand why I was shouting. It took me some time to explain my out of this world “mobile” dream to him.

What a “mind-ringing” experience that was!!